aaaaaaaaaaaa phil + medic catch all

[xenoqueen]

who knows how often ill actually use this

Comments

[imstuck]

Medic? Why are you here?

[He's just guessing this is medic because that's the ghost he talks to the most often.]

So what, are you all having a slumber party without me?

[xenoqueen]

[Also, one of the few ghosts Ripley actually still talks to. From the bed--]

Apparently, your boyfriend here stapled a goddamn baboon heart into my chest that makes me invincible. I apparently agreed to this.

[She glances up to look towards the door, an incredibly flat expression on her face.]

Neither of us remember this. Have a seat?

[The chair is a reasonable distance in front of Phil, now.]

[resortghosts]

[Right to the heart of the matter huh ripley]

ok "stapled" is such a crude way to put it, it's a heart transplant!

but yes. with all likelyhood I performed the surgery while we were all at that "Foundation", before our memories of that time were lost. And I always get permission from civilians before performing experiments! So there's no doubt that you agreed to it!

[Probably!]

[imstuck]

[Phil awkwardly takes a seat. (Quietly talking about how weird this all is while Ripley and Medic argue)]

I'm sorry this is a lot to take in. So you've sewn a baboon's heart into Ripley? I'm not the biggest fan of her either but I like her enough to not put an animal's heart into her!

[xenoqueen]

You perform experiments on citizens--?!

[Actually, why is she surprised at this? This fucking may as well happen. She's so goddamn tired.]

--You know, I was pretty hung up on it, too. I was half ready to tear my damn heart out of my own chest.

[Sits up in bed, tilting her head to the side as she leans back on her arms.]

But if I'm still alive, that must mean something, right?

[resortghosts]

NOT NORMALLY! THAT'S WHY I ASK PERMISSION!

yes, please don't tear your heart out. i dont exactly have any replacements around here and this isn't exactly a good environment for an emergency heart transplant

and of course I used an animal heart, the human heart would've exploded! And then she'd be dead. Which we very much don't want.

[imstuck]

Great, thanks Medic. It's really fucking terrifying that you're inserting hearts into our bodies with something that could kill a normal human heart!

[xenoqueen]

Even so--!

[Ripley just. Stares at Phil because trying to stare at Medic is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.]

He's got a point, you know. Like--

[Wait.] Hang on, if I have this dumb baboon heart, who's to say other people haven't had their hearts transplanted, too?!

[resortghosts]

[Medic starts writing something out before Ripley interrupts herself. There's a pause. He tosses aside what he'd been writing and and hands them a new note.]

i

have no idea?

[imstuck]

What do you mean you have no idea?! Medic how many of us have monkey hearts now?

[resortghosts]

it means i have no idea! None of us remember what we did at the foundation aside from scattered memories

I don't remember putting a heart in Ripley but she has one! so it's possible that anyone here has one!!!

[imstuck]

[Phil is just clutching at his chest.]

Medic please don't tell me that I could have a monkey heart.

[resortghosts]

it is

entirely possible that you maybe have a baboon heart

if it helps, I can make you invincible with it

[imstuck]

[Gives a deadeyed stare in the general direction of Medic.]

Medic.

The idea that I can't die.

Is the exact opposite of comforting to me.

[resortghosts]

ITS ONLY TEMPORARY INVINCIBILITY

ABOUT 8 SECONDS PER UBERCHARGE!!! Long enough to get the job done and take someone out without getting a single scratch! Not so long that it overworks our hearts and my Medigun

[imstuck]

Medic I'll be honest with you:

I'm not really into killing people. At all.

[resortghosts]

i didnt say that you were!

An Ubercharge is made to protect you from any damage. If I gave Ubervalves to some of you at the Foundation, they were intended to protect- whether that's because someone was in battle frequently or just exposed to lifethreatening situations regularly, I don't know!

[xenoqueen]

[Ripley listens (and watches) as Medic and Phil go back and forth--though it's difficult to see what Medic is writing, exactly. At least she can gather from what Phil is saying the approximate idea of what Medic wrote.

After a while, she starts...laughing? Sort of like a breathless cackle as she doubles over, clutching at the blankets on her bed. It's...not really funny, but she can't help but be amused by the sheer absurdity of the situation at hand.]

Holy shit. Medic--Medic, you've got to check Phil to see if he's got a baboon heart. Oh my fucking God.

[imstuck]

[Clutching at his heart even more now.]

What the fuck Ripley! You can't make fun of the fact that Medic might have given in a monkey heart! We're dating, for god's sake!

[resortghosts]

its

not impossible?

[Medic Is Concerned. Come on Ripley, Phil literally spent the morning singing Medic's praises and being an emotional sap, are you really gonna ruin that :(]

[xenoqueen]

Okay, okay, fine, but--

[She takes a moment to catch her breath, still laughing.]

You realize how--how goddamn weird this whole thing is, right? Someone's probably going to die tomorrow, and we're sitting here, freaking out about fucking baboon hearts!

[She puts a hand over her face, still snickering a little.]

[imstuck]

At this rate I think I'm the one that's going to die! Damn it I thought dealing with the timeloop would be the weirdest thing I'd ever have to deal with!

[resortghosts]

you're not going to die!!! If I gave you a baboon heart, you've had it this whole time, probably for months!

And I've had mine for years- which I had to put in myself, which was NOT easy- and have never had complications from it

all the other Ubervalves I've implanted have had no complications and they've been there for even longer than mine

[At this point Medic just. Puts a hand on Phil's shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.]

You're not going to die. Ok? Not even if you do have a baboon heart

[Why is this getting serious]

[xenoqueen]

[Ripley notices the cloth around Phil's shoulder being pressed down ever so slightly, and she can't help it--she lets out another loud laugh.]

Oh, my God! You don't even know if his heart was replaced, and you're acting like this! If anything, I should be more worried because I know about it!

[She lies down, trying to suppress her laughter.]

You guys are gay idiots!

[imstuck]

Alright, alright! Fine, I cant stand you laughing at me any more.

[Phil reluctantly removes his hand from his shirt.]

Just give it to me straight, Medic. Did you put a monkey heart inside of me?